Miracle Veterans

Candace is having a contest for those of you have experienced or witnessed miracles out there. Thus her coined term, Miracle Veterans.

Lord knows we've had many miracles in our family. LilB has had countless. Sometimes I don't even realize the miracle that has happened until much time has passed. An ER episode reminded me of an experience LilB had.

When LilB was born, he had to be intubated and hospitalized. A few days after being hospitalized, they had to extubate him. I'll never forget the doctors words, forced through his thick accent.

We will see how he does and go from there.

I never realized he wasn't expecting LilB to breathe on his own. But he did. Days later, another miracle happened the doctors didn't expect. He took a bottle. The very next day he was breastfeeding.

My heart still aches, thinking about those long, blurry days. The following pictures may not seem like the happiest, but we were so proud of our little boy. He's a fighter. I like to keep these around to remind me to of the struggles we've gone through together and to be thankful for every day of them.

I'm not okay

You may have noticed my lack of posts (or not). I just haven't found any motivation to blog about the many events that have been occurring.

I found some inspiration, though. Read Nicole's post for some raw honesty.

Depression is not something people talk about. Sure, you see those commercials for medication and you hear about suicide tolls rising, as our economy is sinking. But an actual discussion?

There are a few, amazing bloggers who really put themselves out there. And while they've had some criticism and judgement I would expect, they also received an overwhelming amount support.

I'm scared to admit I'm not okay. I'm scared to talk about things that have been building up. I'm scared of being judged and not understood. I'm scared of being alone.

I was scared to make that phone call today. I was scared to walk through those double door this afternoon.

I'm scared of so many things.

I'm not okay.

But, I think I will be. Which is more then I could have said yesterday.

Makes me smile everytime

One minute at a time

I'll be straight with you; I've been in quite a funk lately.

It's been a roller coaster here. MrB is looking for a job. We've pulled money out of every savings, including our 401k to pay the bills. And really, we haven't been paying all of our bills. It's like we've worked so hard to get out of that place and now we're right back in it.

I've been working more, which means less time with LilB. Not that I've been spending tons of time with him because NB is still on the, "Someonepleaseholdmeanddon'teventhinkaboutsettingmedown" stage.

Of course I feel guilty about not working with LilB, too. I guess lately, I've been thinking a lot about his future. We're suppose to start looking into schools Dec/Jan (because the school he would go to doesn't have a Special Ed dept).

I follow a lot of blogs that have kids with special needs too. I'm excited for a lot of the progress their kiddos make but at the same time it breaks my heart.

Like watching NB accomplish milestones, easily.

I guess that's the life of a parent with a special needs kid, though. Sometimes your at a place where you've accepted what will be, will be. And sometimes, you go back to that point where your heart was breaking because you knew something was terribly wrong.

Give me wisdom, give me peace!

Remember when I was still pregnant with NB and had to get that extraction? Fun times!

Well, the other day, while I was scarfing down some food, I felt something on that gum area. At first, I thought maybe it was food. Then I thought, maybe I had scratched it. But what I felt was too hard.

Then I noticed my jaw and gum was pretty sore.

I realized that I had a tooth coming in! My wisdom tooth that didn't want to come out during the extraction of the previous tooth that occupied that space.

I still don't have dental insurance so I'm really not sure if this is bad. It feels like there's room in there, and it would be nice to chew back there again.

But now I'm way more sympathetic to LilB. Because being 24 and teething? Not so fun.