100 Things You Didn't Want to Know About Me

001. I hate, hate, hate snow.
002. I do love watching the snow. From inside, usually with a warm drink.
003. I love hot weather and rainy days.
004. I consider my hometown in Florida, though I was born in Tennessee.
005. I've lived in at least 4 different states.
006. I've lived in a lot more cities.
007. I have a half sister, but otherwise am an only child.
008. I haven't seen her since I was 10.
009. I am half Asian.
010. It annoys me when people call me Oriental. I am not food/clothes/product of Asia.
011. It also annoys me when people hear I'm Asian and assume I'm Chinese or Japanese. There are a lot more Asian cultures then that.
012. As indicated on the banner, I love all things chocolate and coffee.
013. My favorite movie candy is Snow Caps (mixed with popcorn)
014. I love mafia movies.
015. I also love the Simpson's.
016. Yes, better then Family Guy (though I still like FG!)
017. I am a Beauty School Dropout.
018. Not because it was hard, in fact I was almost done. I had become depressed.
019. The reason for this depression was sparked by a miscarriage in August 2004.
020. Although, I have been struggling with depression most of my life.
021. I still cut hair, though.
022. I had a son in June 2008
023. The hardest thing I've ever gone through was seeing him kept at the hospital for 2 weeks, on an ventilator.
024. When we took him home, I rode in the back like Knocked Up
025. I use to smoke. Started when I was 15, quit when I was 21 and preggo.
026. I'm convinced I didn't go through withdraw due to hormones.
027. Sometimes I crave them now. I've resisted temptation thus far.
028. I've had my hair pink, purple, and fire red.
029. It was a great conversation starter.
030. I love video games
031. My all time favorite video game is Final Fantasy III
032. My grandma taught me how to play
033. She's the coolest grandma ever
034. My favorite console was Super Nintendo
035. My current game obsession is Halo 3
036. I'm pretty good, if I do say so myself
037. One summer, I taught myself how to use HTML
038. Yes, I am a nerd.
039. A nerd that loves fashion.
040. I am a Cancer and live up to the meaning of this zodiac sign.
041. I'm a pretty emotional person and can take a lot of things personally
042. I'm shy and have anxiety to new social situations.
043. I've overcome a lot of this anxiety sans meds.
044. I did try meds for aforementioned depression and anxiety but it didn't work out so well...
045. My favorite color is red
046. If I were an M&M though, I'd be Aqua
047. I discovered this when I went to an M&M store with my mom in Florida
048. I'm also obsessed with Oreos...
049. I have the paraphernalia to prove it.
050. I am deathly afraid of cockroach's (come on, they're going to live longer then the human race! disgusting creatures)
051. Second biggest fear? Spiders. (though, I'm not sure how I developed this, as I use to be the one to kill them)

052. My dream is to have a gorgeous home on the beach.

053. I currently work at home.

054. If forced to choose one caffeinated beverage, Mountain Dew would be chosen over coffee.

055. Mountain Dew is like liquid crack to me.

056. Some call me a perfectionist.

057. I just think it's a little OCD

058. My best friend is also half Asian (no, she isn't Chinese or Japanese either)

059. She introduced me to MrB and set us up.

060. She did this, knowing I already had a boyfriend.

061. It was okay, since the guy I was dating treated me like crap.

062. That was the ex I had a miscarriage with.

063. After the miscarriage, I got a kitty but when we broke up, I stayed with my dad for a while and he let him out and he never came home.

064. I was devastated.

065. MrB knew this, and about two months after us dating surprised me by getting Bogey, our mini-dachshund.

066. MrV and I don't drink much.

067. Which is funny, because we use to drink together when we first started hanging out.

068. I was afraid I would lose MrB to my depression and dysfunctional family.

069. We've had a lot of hard times due to both of these things, but he's still here.

070. I'm stubborn

071. Also proud

072. Sometimes ill-tempered :x

073. And a little crazy.

074. I love to read and can spend an entire day doing so, contently.

075. I can read (and enjoy) anything, but I generally steer towards fantasy

076. I look pretty young for my age. I'm always mistaken to be a LOT younger than I really am.

077. I also have a "young" voice.

078. When people that don't know me call, they always ask for my mother...

079. That's annoying, but they don't know so...

080. I've gotten that a lot less then, "Oh you look like you're 13!" This is more annoying. I have run out of responses and my fake laugh is getting old.

081. Yes, I know I will enjoy it when I'm older. But I'm not, so I don't.

082. In high school, someone once said I looked like I was in college, but that was because of my maturity level.

083. Probably one of the nicest compliments I've had :)

084. I freakin' love Asian takeout. Usually, I head to the local Chinese place if I'm not in the mood for spicy food (i.e. Tai!).

085. I adore white rice. I don't know what it is... but YUM. Salt only, please.

086. This goes for pasta too. I can eat it with or without sauce. (mm Lo Mein....)

087. I've gotten pretty good at taking my own picture and making it look like I didn't (see above)

088. I need a haircut. Bad.

089. I also need to stop squinting in pictures because I look high

090. My favorite flowers are stargazing lilies

091. I can appreciate most genres of music, but my particular favorites are rock, r&b, and some rap.

092. But my first concert was Backstreet Boys...

093. I didn't know who they were, my friend just had an extra ticket. It was still awesome.

094. My favorite concert I've been to is a tie between one of my Green Day concerts and Reel Big Fish (which is more punk/ska)

095. Both concerts were post-breakup and I was able to let lose and let things go.

096. I fully believe that concerts are great breakup therapy.

097. I'm a little dyslexic. I can read things find, but when I write/type sometimes letters get a little mixed up.

098. That said, I'm a pretty good speller.

099. I still use spellcheck, though.

100. I have a thing for lists.

Easter Sunday

We went to church yesterday for the first time in months. No, we're not the Christmas/Easter church-goers, it's just lately, we take what sleep that we can and it just so happens that LilB likes to sleep in on Sundays. And at our church, there's only one mass (ahh, so much different then the Catholic churches I use to sleep...er, go to).

LilB was pretty content with staring at the stained glass for the first 30 minutes or so, while listening to the choir music. He got hungry so I had to go to the cry room, which really needed some TLC. It's funny, though, because while I was rocking him, I got a little sad, thinking about last Easter when I lost my grandfather. At that point, the pastor started talking about how holidays can be hard on some that miss others. Every since I started attending this church, every single mass has been relevant to my life. When I was struggling with my feelings about my dad and his alcoholism right before LilB was born, they had a sermon about parents and children. Then the next week it was about alcohol.

Normally, afterwards, I follow MrB around (after handing the baby off) while he mingles, but this time LilB helped us out of there by telling all of us that he really needed a nap. We went back to MrB's parents and chatted while we waited for the ham. MrB's mom got LilB this:

Oh, how the holidays affect us!

On Saturday, we let LilB try ham & apples...

MrB's mom also got us a cute picture book, filled with pictures from my baby shower, LilB's first bath, and time with his uncles. She's a sweetheart.

Hope you all had a safe and happy Easter.

Picture Perfect

Notice the dinner I made last night (slow cooker ribs and mashed potatoes). Notice that I actually have a picture?

That's right. I have the best boyfriend. Ever♥

I was completely surprised when he came home on St. Patty's Day with a bag for me, loaded with my new Kodak 8.0 mega pixel camera along with a memory card, and my Kodak Digital Frame.

I joked around about that being my Easter present and he replied that it was part of it! What? Wait. Since when do we start buying each other presents for holidays other than Christmas?

Anyway, I'm not really one to question the good things that happen in life, so I've been happily snapping my photos away these past few days. And MrB has been deleting some, hence the bad dinner picture.

Plus, last weekend, I actually got a full nights rest since LilB has started teething. It's amazing how much sleep effects me (or lack of). And his teeth bother me just as much as they do him. You know, since he's biting my nipple when I offer him food. Once he draws blood, I may just quit breastfeeding all together. I wanted to go longer, but when he bites me I think about... well, let's just say they're not baby thoughts.

And he loves his apples that we started on Saturday. I've been putting them in his oatmeal, too. I'd like to get a processor so I can do his meats instead of buying them. People have told me that jar meats is nasty. Like canned chicken. I wouldn't know.

I can check one more thing off my list. I can also get started on some others.

Avoidance At It's Best

Yes, I've been avoiding you, dear blog (and readers). My mind has been filled with crazies that are my thoughts. Mostly, what's going to be on my next post on my other blog.

Really, the next chapter there is when the turmoil really begins. Where I start to realize, ok, maybe my life isn't so great (or normal, for that matter) Maybe that's why I've been a little weary about writing it. Not that it matters. I mean, it happened so it really doesn't matter that I put it all out there. It's just... sometimes it's hard to think about, I guess.

Also, I had a case of the crazies on Friday and Saturday. I say this jokingly, but that could just be a defense mechanism. I don't mean to offend anyone by that term.

I was extremely emotional. Why? Who knows. I went from wanting to wring MrB's neck to crying on his lap. Luckily for me, he knows how to ride my roller coaster. And I don't mean in the sack, either.

Part of my emotional roller coaster could have had to do with one of the blogs I read (and love). She had a hard time recently and ended up in a mental institution. I actually cringed when I wrote that. Don't get me wrong, I find nothing wrong with these places, as I have been there myself, but just the name of the place sounds so... well, like where crazy people in straight jackets belong. And that's not it. I didn't (nor did she) wear a straight jacket. But, like her, it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. Every sentence I read brought me back to those days. And after reading two of her posts, I came to the conclusion that I would soon be sharing my days spent surrounded by white walls, hard nurses, and people I would never forget. I can almost feel the cold tiles beneath my feet again.

Soon, I will write about. But first, I am going to write the next chapter.

I ♥ JabbawockeeZ

Watched America's Best Dance Crew last night. It was a tribute to Michael Jackson's best selling album (of all time, might I ad) Thriller. I was impressed with all of the crews' performances, except Status Quo. Since they had already done a performance with M.J moves, I really had expected more from them, but the leader had an obvious memory lapse, as he missed a few steps in the middle.

Of course, it really wouldn't matter how well they did, to me, since my love goes to the JabbawockeeZ. Their slick moves captivated me in their first performance. And every performance has topped the last. Their style is so different from Michael Jackson, yet they were able to perform his moves, beautifully, while incorporating their own. They were also able to show how Michael Jackson really did change the world of dance and how they even use some of his moves in their own style. Add on top of that, their great attitude toward their fans, judges, and most of all, each other, it's easy to see why I love them so much.

In the beginning, there was a crew Enigma, from Tampa. I have to say I was pretty ticked that the only crew from FL had to make us look like a bunch of jealous @$$holes. So, I don't live in FL now, but I consider that my home state. The south could have been represented so much better...

Seeing Mario Lopez (aka Slater) brings me back, too. He looks like he hasn't aged a day since those t.v. high school days. His dimples are still ginormous...

I do love Break Sk8. I use to rollar skate every Sunday with my mom and I was good. I could shuffle skate (skating the beat of the music), skate back wards, and all that jazz. These guys, however, are something I use to dream of being. I really never thought it was possible, though. Some of you may wonder why a rollar skating crew is on a dance competition but believe me, you can dance on skates. It's tough, too, because there aren't steps, per say. This week, they really focused on their arm movement and overall togetherness as a crew. I really didn't think they could measure up to Michael Jackson, but they were amazing. I don't even think they have experience with danicing off skates. But that's what makes them unique. Plus, the fact that they never fall, even when doing crazy flips (I can't believe they can land those stunts on skates!) I'm sure a lot of people don't give these guys enough credit.

Also, I do love Kaba Modern's energy and style (and the cute Asian ladies), but I love JabbawockeeZ more.

If you watch America's Best Dance Crew, who's your favorite?

Insecurities From the Past

So there it is. New layout and such. If you took time to visit yesterday, you would have probably ran into the chaos that is my indecisiveness. I kept looking for layouts per KiKi suggestion and I just couldn't make my mind up on how I wanted to go. So I took a layout that I liked, a picture that I liked and tweaked it. I still have some things to do but it'll probably be a slow process.

Last week, we had both therapist come over. Kim was making up for the time we'd miss due to all this stupid weather. The week before, Kim told me to tell Debbie about our indoor pool at our apartment. I knew what the reply would be...

Great! You should take him over there and let him move around. It would be really good for him....I'm not sure if you'll be able to get me in a swimsuit.

This of course led me into a lapse of self-confidence when we were looking through WalMart's selection.

I bet these would fit you Lew said, referring to the girls (not the junior) section. He was only half joking. He was a little frustrated which led to the remark We're going to have to go to one of those specialty stores...

I was immediately insulted and brought back to my days growing up and going to the store with my neighbor, who was kind of a big girl. She had to get her boobs measured and someone told me to get mine measured (I was older than her but very, very petite)

She doesn't have any boobs my neighbor remarked.

As that thought flashed by, I told Lew I was done shopping. That I simply could not even look anywhere else because I was in no mood to shop. He tried to apologize but I just wasn't having it.

I've always had insecurities about my height and build. I'm that little girl, the one you always remarked I would do anything to be your size.

Are you kidding me? I'd always think. We didn't have a lot of money growing up so where did I get my clothes? Hand-me-downs (from, yes, the bigger neighbor) or from WalMart. And for a long time I had to wear things from the girls (or boys) section. And still, things were often big on me. I often wished my boobies were growing the way the girls around me were blooming.

No, I was no a late bloomer. My whole family is short. My dad, his parents. When I saw my biological mom when I was 10 I was up to her shoulders.

Nothing ever fit me. If something fit me on the waist, they would be too long. If they were the right length I had to find a belt that could fit me. Shirts weren't even the right size. Add on top of that, the fact that I was Chinese (ok, so I wasn't Chinese but I was grouped with them) People teased me endlessly. It was ok, because I was a harda$$ but sometimes... sometimes it would get to me.

After a while, people grew up. The teasing wasn't as much or it was more affectionate; Hey, Shorty... then one day when I was dreaming about my future career, I thought about being a model. How much fun it would be and how much I would like it. How good I could be since I could do great facial expressions and body language (drove my parents nuts). How I could command a whole audience on a runway.

Then I found out. You have to be 5'9" to be on a runway. (Yes, Tyra helped short people around the world by accepting 5'7" women on her show, thanks Tyra!) But I could never get there. Sure, I could be another type of model but I certainly couldn't strut my stuff on the catwalk.

So now, 8 months post-baby, I'm struggling with self-confidence again. I'll never have legs like Gisele Bündchen, Tyra Banks' booty, or be as lucky as Kate Moss and change the world of supermodels. I'm still 5'0" (or just barley), my tummy is all scrunched up from lack of sit ups, and most days I lounge in my PJs.

It could be worse, yes. I could be anorexic, bulimic, or have overweight problems. But still, when I walk by the girl's section at WalMart or a telemarketer asks me for my mother (little body=little voice) some of those old feelings wash over me and suddenly I forget why I love shopping so much.

When ANTM comes on , though, Lew never forgets to remind me that I'm his Top Model. And it always helps.

Little Nothings

Yesterday, I fed LilB oatmeal for the first time. I think he really likes it. I wish I had a picture...I need a digital camera.


Anyway, spent most of yesterday fiddling with my blog layout. I'm not quite satisfied.

I think I've been struggling with the dark side again. I hope I come out of it soon.

Tonight we try peaches.